Wanted:

I just hate it when I can go three days without charging my phone.

I swear I have enough friends to use up my battery.

Just none of them call me... Or text me... Or talk to me...

I don't have any friends.

As I was driving home tonight from working five hours in the rain with a terrible cold (unnecessary details I added so that you could feel super bad for me) I thought about why this is, and I think I figured it out.

I don't know any of the "cool kid" music these days.

And by "cool kid" music I mean rap/hip-hop.

And by rap/hip-hop I mean I hate it.

So, rather than try and force myself into submerging into an entire music genre that gives me the same feeling in my stomach as I get when I burp and hiccup at the same time (unexpectedly painful), I decided to try and convince everyone that I am right, in hopes of gaining some friends back along the way.

The start of this whole process went like this:

My roommate Jessica Esplin (there are two Jessicas so I had to clarify on the last name, don't stalk her) and her boyfriend Brady walk in.

(Visual Aid: Picture of them on their trip to Paris. I mean Vegas. Never fools anyone.)

Me: Hey Jessica. You know that song with the airplanes and the shooting stars?

Jessica: Yes, I love that song.

Me: Do you know what it's called?

Jessica: No....Do you Brady?

Brady: No.

Me: Can you name a line from it?

Jessica: No...can you Brady?

Brady: No.

Me: I hate this project. I'll never have friends.

So after a thorough search of the internet typing various things into the search box such as "songs to make me more gangster"(don't exist) and "songs sung by a really promiscuous black girl with the token sex-rap in the middle" I realized that I don't know the name to any other hip hop songs either and that ended that.

I guess I'll have to make friends the old-fashioned way: World of Warcraft.

(Jokes on you, I don't know how to play videogames)

What I really mean is, you guys are just going to have to accept me for who I am, even with my lack of knowledge concerning pop culture.

I expect at least nine texts and three party invites tonight.

Ready...go.

Katie

p.s.- If you were wondering, that song is called "Airplanes." Clever.