I am in a rut.
I spent almost the entire day yesterday on my couch sick, and tired.
Some days life just catches up with you and your couch seems like the safest place to be until things get back to normal.
I have a knack for forgetting birthdays. I forgot my best friend Jenna's 20th birthday a few years ago and I still feel sick to my stomach when I think about it.
This may seem strange but the concept behind birthdays bothers me. Opposite from most people, I usually am so relieved when my birthday is over every year. I hate the pressure of the day, of feeling like something about it has to be extraordinary or else it is wasted until next year. I hate people giving me things when I feel like I have done nothing to deserve them. I get embarrassed by the attention. I get overwhelmed by the blatant presentation of the idea that I am, in fact, getting older. I understand the concept of every person having "their day" where they can feel special, and I love to allow that for those who want it, but as for me, I could get along just fine without a birthday.
Man, don't I sound like such a cynic?
I'm just trying to be honest.
All of these emotions are coming up today because this week I forgot the birthday of someone who means a whole lot to me. It was one of those moments where you realize you have done something terrible, something you never wanted to do, but something you did regardless and that you would give anything to take back.
That may seem a little dramatic but I think those feelings came less from the act of forgetting itself and more from being faced with the realization that I have been a selfish person lately. I have been far too concerned with my own problems to remember that I am no island, that the world is big and full of people who have things like math tests and unpaid bills and birthdays.
And so, to the person whose birthday I forgot, someone who has been so kind and good to me, I am sorry. You probably will never read this, but I hope you somehow know that all this has inspired a change in me. I'm going to start getting over myself.
Birthdays are important, lives are important, people are important.