Thursday, August 12, 2010

Melonballing. .

MELONBALL: A cocktail made with melon liqueur (the British spelling??), Vodka and Pineapple juice.

MELONBALLER: a small spoon-like tool used to cut round- or oval-shaped sections of melon, known as melon balls, by pressing them into the mellon's flesh and rotating.

I got these definitions from Wikipedia, and I'm just going to say that if Wikipedia was the Man, then every summer Santa Clara, UT sticks it to the man, because according to us these definitions are allllllll wrong.

Allow me to set the record straight:

MELONBALL: a ferocious game played in a swimming pool using a solid ten pound ball made out of rubber bands in which the only objective is to set the ball on your side of the pool. All other components of the game...fair play.

(The silver ball being held by Liz in the middle of the pack is what is officially known as the "melonball.")


The only part Wikipedia got right was the word "flesh."

This was an injury I sustained last summer after an unfortunate pass to the face. It included a sweet concussion and a severe dissapointment that the game had to end for the night. Call me stupid (or Quasimodo, like the little kid at In N' Out did the next day) but the game is worth it. We play for hours until our bodies are scratched and bruised and our fingers lose their ability to grip and then we usually play one more game. It's hard to explain why this game is so thrilling unless you play it, but it really is unbeatable as far as adrenaline levels go.

Last night was the first good match I've played since returning from Europe, and boy was it crazy. Even crazier than the time I pulled 11 straight red ones out of a Mike & Ike box.

And speaking of red...

...if this photo is incredibly disturbing to you, then you weren't cut out for melonball. Opponents to the game have often made comments to me like "why would you want to do something with such a high risk of injuries?" And aside from losing major man-points for that remark, they are also forgetting the well-known fact that every year over 133,000 people are injured by doors. Is that going to stop them from using their walk-in-closets? Possibly. But am I going to stop playing melonball? Never.

We've always said that the game was for everyone, so you're invited to our next match.

But if you can't handle the heat, nobody will make you stay.

Just be careful with the door on the way out.

I hear those things are dangerous.

Mellonballer for life,


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