Katie Tries to Keep in Touch

Living away from family and friends is tough.

I spend a good chunk of my life worrying that I'm not keeping in good enough touch with all the people I love. The problem is, there are so many truly lovable and awesome people in my life.

 I 100% agree with Mindy Kaling here.

I have my best friends from elementary school, high school, undergrad, grad school, summer internship, that one apartment I lived in, my best friend from that road trip we went on where we almost got arrested for jumping into the Bellagio fountains, study-abroad best friends, my best friends from church, my best friends from work, my best sibling-friends (all of them), my best in-law-friends, the-wives-of-my-husbands-cousins best friends... The list can really get out of hand.


Then, I have my grandparent-best-friends, my aunt-and-uncle-best-friends, and of course all of my cousins are my best friends too.


Obviously I have a few best friends who trump all the other best friends at being best friends.

They know who they are, I'm sure.

But, then I worry...do they?? Have I called them enough times this week? Should I come up with more secrets to share with them so they know how much I trust them? Are they asking themselves right this very second if they make this list?? Is this blog post some kind of power-play to get them to visit me more??????

Honestly, I even plan on gathering a few more best friends in the future as we travel, and move, and have kids who will adore me all the time. 

The point is, I don't want to take these relationships lightly. Relationships are important to me and the people in my life mean so much to me that I spend lots of time hoping that they know that. I make schedules in my brain of how long it has been since I've called so-and-so, so I don't go too long and become a statistic in that study I read that says if you don't call your  friends every 7 days then a scary girl will come out of your TV and.....

....I might be getting my horror movies mixed up here. Was I talking about horror movies? I'm not sure. I was distracted by all the stress of who I am supposed to call next. 

I'll just end with this adorable Charlie Brown quotation: 

Seriously people, I need more hellos. 

CALL ME IF YOU WANT TO STAY ON THE BEST FRIEND TIER.

I CAN'T DO ALL THE WORK MYSELF. 

The stress is killing me. 

Just ask the real best friend who has never abandoned me because he can't because he is MARRIED TO ME SUCKERS:

Katie Tries Sleeping

I have not been sleeping well lately (for years).

The other night I finally fell asleep and I woke up what seemed like minutes later to a bright light shining in through the slats  in our blinds. Seeing as how it was the middle of the night and we live in a poorly-lit corner of our complex this was unusual.


So, naturally, I freaked.


I started screaming "CJ! Someone is outside of our house! THEY ARE SHINING A SPOTLIGHT ON OUR HOUSE!!!"

I knew there was a murderer on our patio and he (or she, I'm not murderer-sexist) was about to come in and murder us good and dead. I knew that the policemen searching for him/her/aren't more men serial killers than women? were shining a giant searchlight on our door which WAS OPEN TO LET THE BREEZE IN and I was panicking.

I continued to yell for a minute before Cj woke up enough to realize what was going on.

"KATIE, " he yelled, "CALM DOWN. THAT IS NOT A SPOTLIGHT THAT IS THE SUN."

Turns out it was just daytime and I had slept through the whole night. Whoops.

Who needs an alarm clock when they have my overactive imagination?

The End.

I Lied in Costco and I Did it For the Sake of Pizza and Friendship.

Costco was a mess today.

The guy at the register said they had just let go of their seasonal employees and had gotten rid of a few too many.

To me, it just looked like 900,000 people were trying to buy mini-tamales at the same time.

It was probably a mix of both.

Either way, the trip was stressful, the checkout lines were all the way back to the clothes sections, and we accidentally threw our receipt away between checking out and reaching the door so we were waiting in Costco Jail while the door-lady went and re-printed our receipt.

While we were waiting a cute woman carrying a five-month old baby in a carseat walked through the doors. Another Door-Nazi lady stopped her and asked for her membership card. She said that her mom had ordered the pizza for her 9-year-old sister's birthday party and had just sent her to pick it up.

Door-lady #2 was not budging. No card=No pizza.

After a while of discussing it the woman with the baby seemed so desperate and sad that I stepped in and asked if I could just use my membership card to help her get the pizza.

By this time Door-lady #1 was back with our receipt that said we had bought all the food we said we did (winners!) and quickly piped in "YOU CAN ONLY DO THAT IF YOU ARE RELATED OR REALLY SUPER GOOD FRIENDS. ARE YOU??????"

I paused. And then I looked at the poor girl with the baby and the sister and the pizza-party and I decided that I felt pretty friendly towards her, so I said, "Yeah, we are just good ol' friends. Suuuuuuuper good friends." The baby-mama smirked and nodded in agreement.

Door-lady #1 and Door-lady #2 did not seem convinced.

Then, both of them gave me a long spiel about how a Costco card is like a driver's license (meaning they both make me look kind of bald in their pictures) and if I choose to use MY card for HER pizza then the responsibility is on my head and I will have to accept the consequences and be good to that pizza and try and do right by it, even when times get tough, for richer or poor, etc., etc.

Eventually my new friend and I were on our way to the pizza line where we chatted and became real friends and I met her darling baby and NOBODY EVEN ASKED TO SEE MY COSTCO CARD WHEN WE PICKED UP THE PIZZA. Not a single soul even cared to see my card or my awful picture on it.

I can't believe I told a half-lie to the scary Costco lady for nothing. Also I bet they hate babysitting awful customers like me.

My apologies to everyone involved in this story.

The End.