Wednesday, September 25, 2013

I'm a changed woman.

For the first time in my life I can feel myself changing significantly character-wise and it is really freaking me out.

Up until about a year ago I could fairly easily define myself by three main characteristics:

#1. I was generally happy, bubbly and social.
#2. I hated change with a burning passion.
#3. I thought I was going to die a thousand deaths when anyone was mad at me.

(Based on #2 and #3 maybe I should add #4: I was incredibly over-dramatic. But never fear, dear reader, that has not and never will change about me.)

FOR THE LIFE OF ME I can't seem to figure out what has happened, but I have recently found myself in nearly the opposite position as a year ago.

#1. Lately, I am possibly the least social person on this earth. I spend long days in a dark room grading papers and making lesson plans. I imagine I developed these habits in my last awful months of graduate school when I found myself essentially begging the universe for a zombie apocalypse so I could have some pals to commiserate with (the zombies, obviously.) The problem is, it has carried over to my St. George life and living in a non-apartment setting has only made it worse.

I knew things were bad when I posted this picture as my profile picture and received 56 "likes" in a matter of hours:

"This is it." I thought. "This is who you are now."
 "You are the girl who gets 56 likes on a picture that was previously saved as 'ugly face' on your desktop." 

But it is fine, really. I have accepted my fate. In fact, whenever I see children outside our front window I try and ruffle the curtains a little and let my shadow move past the opening. I'm hoping that soon the legend of "ugly face" will spread until it incites terror in the hearts of the local children and I will know that my transformation is complete. 

#2. I like change. That is all there really is to it. Where before I wanted to live in one place for my entire life with my 20 closest family and friends surrounding me at all times, eating tacos for every meal....I now want to live in a new place every month with thousands of new friends and family members, eating tacos for every meal. (Don't underestimate my love for some good guacamole.) 

I have become obsessed with any travel or job website and I spend hours searching for places to live and things to do. If I don't have 100 college degrees before I die then I will probably just delete this blog post so nobody remembers that this was my goal. But I will also be really disappointed in myself. Also I will be dead. 

#3. I don't care who hates me anymore. 

Let me explain. Cj and I recently started coaching a 7th grade volleyball team. You might wonder what this has to do with people being mad at me but then you would remember parents. PARENTS. 

I just catholic-crossed myself that I will never be the kind of insane-sports parent that keeps coaches up at night. The only thing DOESN'T keep me up at night. It is really some kind of miracle. It used to be that if anyone in this world was mad at me, life-as-I-knew-it would literally cease to function. 


- I once fasted every Sunday for nearly six months because I heard that a girl on my soccer team was mad at me. 
-I once bought two dozen Pepsi's and left them on a friend's porch every night for a week because I thought he was mad at me. 
-I once drove from Provo to St. George and back in a day and a half because I thought the boy I had just broken up with was mad at me. (Of course he was mad at me. I just broke up with him. I want my $60 in gas money back, dumber version of Katie.) 

The thing is: Last week, when like five moms were ragging on me on the bench behind me for not playing their kid...nothing. I couldn't even remember what they had said by the time I left the gym. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?? 

Ugly face, you've got some definite perks to being you. Now get off my porch, ya meddling kids. 


  1. Oh, how I miss you. And understand you. Because imagine being in a similar dark room grading papers and making lesson plans KNOWING THAT THE BEACH IS RIGHT OUTSIDE. I hope that I someday come to terms with this travesty half as well as you have. You are my inspiration.

  2. Caryn I can't even imagine. It is times like these that I miss the carrels. At least if you were going to be miserable over grading you had company. I say we all go back for another MA or two.