Our house has been a disaster lately.
I've never claimed to be the world's tidiest person, but lately I have been feeling a lot of pressure to have a perfectly clean home to show off our perfectly decorated new married apartment because somehow it is "living the dream" to live in a spotless space where we cook grilled goat cheese sandwiches and eat greek yogurt with fresh blueberries and put it all on Instagram which then sends it to Twitter which will then post my Instagrammed-Tweet on Facebook.
Imagine the notifications.
Now, don't get me wrong. Cj and I do our best to clean up when we can. We put our dishes in the dishwasher, even vacuum periodically. So why do I feel the need to apologize to people when they come over and find that our school books are spread all over the living room floor, or see that there is five piles of clothes in our room because that is the exact amount of outfits I had to try on this morning to make sure I had just the right one on for the poetry reading I was going to today.
What should I really say about that?
"Sorry. We've been really busy living fulfilling and wonderful lives?"
Because we have.
We go to school. We learn wonderful things and think about changing the world even though we are just a history major and a poetry major and nobody seems to care too much about either of those things these days.
We work. I attempt to teach new college students how to feel passionate about expressing their opinion, or even simply how to value their own opinion. Cj spends his nights officiating intramural sports while I participate in said sports and do my best not to freak out when he throws a flag on me in a football game even though I do not think I was flag-guarding (I usually am.)
We do church stuff. We go to our church's temple and we read our scriptures and we even pray to God every night for a really long time because we have a lot to say and a lot going on and mostly because we end up laughing or falling asleep somewhere in the middle and usually have to start over.
We have family things. And friend things. And we're running a marathon next weekend. And we've got some big trips planned. And we've got some small trips planned. And we like people so we want to see them all the time, and we want to call them all the time. We like TV and we like watching it together. We like when Scrubs is on every night at 11 and we like not going to bed early like we promised ourselves we would because we can't help but stay up and watch it. We like laughing our heads off and we do it a lot. Maybe some nights Cj will say "what should we do tonight?" And I might say "the same thing we do every night Cj. Try and take over the world." And then we laugh our heads off because that is always the stupidest joke ever but we still laugh because we love 90's cartoons and we love that we are almost exactly the same age, only 25 days apart, so we both watched all the same cartoons growing up, and we love that we get each other that way and mostly we just really freaking love each other.
And when you love each other, and you love your job, and you love your friends and your life, you just really don't care if your house is that clean.
So this is my final apology. I'm going to stop worrying and keep living, despite the fact that my suitcase from last weekend is still sitting in our hallway, unpacked and in the way.
Sorry I'm not sorry.