How Last Night Went:

6:13 p.m.- Woke up from 3 hour sunday nap. In my living room. On an air mattress. Face down.

It is so hot in our non-air-conditioned house that we sleep out there because it is cooler.
Also I drooled everywhere. 

6:14 p.m.- Realized the drooly-air-mattress has a hole in it. 

Now taking applications for Plan C. 

8:17 p.m.- Went to Spencer and Michelle's house for treats and Olympics time. Watched these funny parents: 

10:23 p.m.- Came home to grade papers. First, began tearing apart our pile of "packed" boxes (we're moving again in a week) in an attempt to find earplugs so I wouldn't be able to hear Cj watching "Independence Day" while I worked. 

11:04 p.m.- Found the earplugs. They were on the desk. Not in the pile of boxes. 

12:43 p.m.- I accidentally watched Independence Day anyway. I also accidentally cried on the part when the President gives them the speech that says they can kill all the aliens they want if they can only find their American spirit.
God Bless America. 

1:17 p.m.- While grading noticed a weird screen on Cj's computer. 

Me: "What is that?"

Cj: "Uh...I'm playing Pokemon."

Me: "Of course you are. But then why does it say 'Hipster' on the screen?" 

Cj: "It doesn't."

Me: "Yes it does."

Cj: "Noo.......Fine. That's my Pokemon name."

hahahahahahahahahahaha.

2:57 p.m.- Finished grading
Looked over to see Cj in the chair next to me staring blankly off into the distance.
I'm not sure why he feels the need to stay up with me every time I have some major project to accomplish, but it's darling.

6:41 a.m.- Woke up for class.
Strategically placed various heavy things on our already deflated air mattress so Cj wouldn't totally sink to the floor on the other side.
I secretly hope he woke up and caressed the cheek of my gym bag before putting on his glasses to realize it wasn't me sleeping there.


What a night.

As a side note: This new (or at least somewhat new) Siri thing freaks me out.

I can't shake the idea that eventually we are going to have whole electronic houses that respond to us like that. 

Then, before we know it, our sons are going to be doing boy band dances to "Slam Dunk da Funk" while we are out for the evening.

What is this world coming to? 

Katie 

Whining.

Grading papers is never not the worst ever.

I am always feeling torn between being the uplifting teacher who engenders confidence in my students and the realistic one who doesn't hand out a false sense of academic success.

Honestly, I get the feeling my students don't care either way.

They just want the highest grade they can achieve while still finding time to post the latest Ke$ha-Katy Perry mashup on Facebook.

I have spent my afternoon grading in the heat of my bedroom (only 3 more weeks of no air-conditioning!) and reflecting on how many times I can write "I don't think this word means what you think it means" before I quit and join in the conversation that has currently ensued between my students on the mashup video. OMG it's soooo crazy.





If you can't beat 'em, join 'em I guess.

Katie

A Bug Story.

I'm kind of a...bug person. 

I know that sounds weird, but what I mean by that is that bugs don't normally creep me out. 

I'm just not the type of girl to panic when a little guy crawls across my bathroom floor, or a moth comes in the window. 

I usually try to scoop them up or shoo them out (sometimes even with my bare hands) and then move on. 

I have never, in my recollection, intentionally killed any kind of insect or spider. 

Just not my thing. 

HOWEVER....

...tonight Cj is out late picking up his cousin from the airport, making tonight my first time going to bed without him since we've been married. 

I wasn't really that nervous, although I did make him burrito-tuck me before he left, just to be safe. 

About 10 minutes after I heard the front door close, I rolled over in bed to see a giant...something...moving quickly down the wall and then across the bed. 

I jumped out of bed, grabbed my cell phone, and ran into the hall as I observed the thing move slowly across my comforter. 

I called Cj. 

I told him that it was a spider the size of my palm. 

He didn't believe me. 

He's right. 

I was exaggerating. 

But it was white, with brown spots, which is probably worse. 

I told him I was positive it was the kind that kills you. 

He told me to shake out all of the bedding and then go back to bed. 

I hung up and said "you are a mature adult" a few times out loud, then, I took everything off the bed and shook. 

Naturally I did this with my mouth and eyes closed so the spider couldn't come flying into any openings. I even made sure to blow outwards from my nose continually so that if it approached my nose holes it would be greeted with some kind of spidery-mount-vesuvius. 

My ear-holes were the real Achilles-heel in the plan, but sometimes a girl's just got to suck it up and go to battle. 

At some point during all the shaking I realized that the spider might not actually be in the bedding anymore. It might have actually moved into the bed frame itself. 

I asked Cj, but he said I couldn't sleep on the couch.

Plan B was organized. 

I made a bed for myself on the floor out of all the shaken-out bedding. 

I made sure to do this in a decently clear spot so I could see that thing coming. 

I continued work on my lesson plan for tomorrow morning. 

That's when it happened. 

I felt movement on my left shoulder. I looked. 

Nothing was on it. 

BUT, as if on cue, the spider came crawling out onto the pillow just above my shoulder! 

You've got to be kidding me. 

I then spent the next twenty minutes chasing it around my blankets and then the bedroom and then, the kitchen floor using mainly a notebook and my cell phone to steer it one way or another before I would panic when it would come too close to my hand with it's poisonous brown spots. 

What a moral dilemma. 

I couldn't kill it based on my gandhi-like approach to bugs, but there was no way I was sleeping tonight knowing that it was roaming the aging linoleum of our tiny apartment. 

Eventually, this is how things ended: 

I feel content knowing that Cj will come home to our largest bowl, upside down on the floor of our kitchen, left to deal with the moral dilemma I could not bring myself to face. 

The irony of all of this is I will probably be awake, worried about that poor spider, under that bowl, all alone, in the dark. 

You'd think I'd lose sleep over the more important ethical issues of this world. 

Like the fact that they made a movie about Katy Perry. 

And that it is in 3D.

Maybe that spider would be better off dead. 

Katie 

It Just Gets Better.

I started teaching again yesterday. 

It is always a bigger ordeal than I think it will be to "orient" a class full of freshman as to the inner workings of a writing class. 

It feels like everything is a giant surprise to them. 

"Three papers? Really? Wow." 

"Grades? Honestly? That's nuts." 

"No snack time? Because in high school..." 

They're so precious. 

It was my turn to be surprised when a student came up to me during the break to inform me that he could not participate in the class Facebook group because he was paranoid about Facebook. 

Understandable. Everyone has their "things."

I suggested making a Facebook profile that had all privacy settings on and only using the account for class purposes. 

He said it wasn't other people he was afraid of. He told me that the actual Facebook corporation was out to get him. 

Rough life pal. I've heard Zuckerberg's a beast. 

I asked my student if he would be okay with a class blog instead. 

He said he'd have to call his parents and see. 

You know....it takes all kinds. 

The good news is, with that kind of fear of the internet, I can be positive that kid will never see this post. 

No harm, no foul. 

Katie

P.S.- Go Heat! 

Day Off.

I woke up with a headache. 

So we went back to bed. 

Then when we woke up again Cj was feeling sick (flu?) 

We were trapped. 

Based on our waking-up-track-record (0-2) we just couldn't risk going to sleep again. 

But, both of us being sick, we couldn't really get out of bed. 

So...we stayed in bed. All day. 

I got up once to make nachos.

I'm not saying every day should be like this. 

But I can't say I'm mad it happened. 

Here's to the occasional sick day. 

And to eating nachos in bed. 

Katie 

Life Changes

It's blurry but its real. After 23 years of virgin hair I finally took the plunge and dyed it. 

And by plunge I mean I did that thing where you walk into the water with your arms up, standing on your tip-toes because it's cold and you are a big wuss. 

And by all that I mean I only dyed the bottom of my hair. 

But still, if you know me at all you know this is big. 

I don't really do "change." 

It's called a melt, and I love how it turned out! 

I texted this picture to my mother this morning and the conversation went like this: 

Katie: "Check out my new hair!" 

Mom: "I don't get it. What is different?" 

Katie: "Mom. It's completely blonde on the bottom now."

Mom: "...on purpose?" 

As if half my hair accidentally marinated in peroxide for 15-20 minutes with a thorough rinse and condition afterward. 

Oh Mom.

News #2: I was brushing my teeth this morning and part of my tooth fell out. 

Really. That's the whole story. 

There I was, doing my up-and-downs, right before my back-and-forths, when a big chunk of my left molar just popped off. 

Is this normal? 

Do teeth do this? 

Don't I already know the answer to these questions? 

All I do know is I have spent the evening testing various tooth-hole fillers. 

Things to NOT replace a molar with: 

peppermint gum 

tinfoil (ouch)

my winter semester term paper 

a tic-tac (pre-sucked) 

the love of the childhood pet I never had 

I figure if I don't find something soon I'll have to do something drastic, like go to the dentist. 

And pay someone money. 

Heaven forbid I finally have an injury that can't be fixed by superglue. 

I'll keep you posted. 

Katie 

Craig's List Breaks my Heart.

A few weeks ago I posted an ad on Craig's List, offering my services as a summer nanny here in Provo.

I will be teaching summer term and I am also taking the summer to write my thesis (slash lay in bed and watch "Revenge") but I thought it would be nice to pick up a little extra money to support the fam by watching someone's kids a few hours a week.

To reassure potential employers that I am not a total psycho I posted a picture of me with the post (possibly not my best idea?) because if someone posts a picture on the internet it is obviously them and you can immediately trust them.

So far the responses have been awesome, hilarious and ridiculously creepy. Enjoy:

"I know you are looking to do more child care, but I was looking through CL and saw your picture.  You are very beautiful.  I am an amateur photographer and i would love to have you model for me.  I am 35/m based out of slc.  If you are interested, please let me know.  I look forward to getting to know you." -- Tom

Very flattering Tom. Maybe we can do the whole two-birds-one-stone thing and you can amateurly photograph me nannying some children. And then probably get arrested for it. Seems like your kind of thing. 

"Do you do vacuuming and mopping? Or can you make my boys do it? It hurts my back."-- Carrie

What do you mean by "make"? And is this the only thing you want to hire me for? I feel like I'm missing something here. Either way, sorry about your back. 

 "I saw your post on Craigslist...we are looking for someone to watch our 3 1/2 year old little boy this summer in our home. (Monday-Friday, 7:45-2:15)...it will be $20/day...$80/week." -- Sarah 

You do realize, Sarah, that this would pay me a little over $3 an hour? Obviously the picture didn't offer a very good first impression (if only we could say the same for Tom.) Also, is Friday a freebie? Or do I just pick either $20 a day OR $80 a week? I'll have to think on that one. 

"Do you baby sit at clients house or your own? I am looking for childcare in walking distance of my house... I live at 300 s 400 e..." 

No name on the email? The use of multiple elipsis? And you want me to give you my address? You make me nervous anonymous person. 

One couple even sent me the link to their child's blog. He's two years old.

I can just picture him awake late at night after the one-year-old is in bed, slaving away on a post about his latest DIY kitchen craft. 

Is Craig's List just a forum for bizarre encounters with potential serial killers and moms who are really bad at math?

Despite my experience with it, probably not. 

But it is definitely not a forum for finding a nannying job. 

Here's to another episode of "Revenge".  

Katie